[BredaClapham]

Hi. I put this in the emotional & behaviour section but realised it might be more appropriate here.

I have a nearly 12 year old mild, right hemi daughter. She is now in year 7 at a 'mainstream' school with a reduced curriculum and a TA paid for by a statement that took 2-3 years of effort to win. My daughter's 1 aim is to do nothing after school and at weekends, exams or not. A huge daily amount of time, energy and effort is focused on this area (offering help, cajoling, arguing) to achieve a trickle of output for school at the end of it.I know aspects of school work are genuinely tough for her but giving up and saying ok/you win/let's have an easy life/don't do anything and fall behind your peers even further/lets take a punt on the future/etc doesn't feel right. She is bright and quite ahead of her years in many ways but this is coupled with dyspraxia and spatial visual issues, physical issues etc.

I would welcome perspectives on expectations others have had of their children, or themselves (if hemi) re school, homework and exams. Any tactics and strategies for dealing with this would be very welcome.

I really don't know how much to throw out normal expectations of homework etc but the conflict is very dominating of family dynamics and very negative. She has a lack of empathy and a tendency to project everything out to others. So offers of help are annoying and interfering, arrangements being made are controlling, her TA setting up a revision folder of work sheets to help her is annoying, etc etc. To junk the homework, revision and exams she would have to move schools I think. It feels like there really is no win here.

regards

[BredaClapham]

Think I might have found part of an answer through another parent's posting elsewhere in the message board on a form of autism called Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome (PAD). I followed the link they pasted into the Autistic Society's pages on PAD and then to a PAD support group's pages. So much of the behaviour I see and described in my 1st posting is listed.

Please do still respond with any of your own experiences but I thought it worth sharing the PAD link in case anyone else is struggling with the same issues.

PAD Support Group
http://www.pdacontac...ames/index.html

The Autistic Society pages on PAD
http://www.autism.or...e-syndrome.aspx

regards, Breda

[Judybee]

Hi Brenda,

Do you know everything that is going on in your daughter's head? Is she cocerned that her efforts will not be good enough? This is just a thought there is such pressure to be perfect, look perfect............ Our daughter's school employed a Councellor.... and she was brilliant at working through issues ... There may be more to this than meets the eye..........also is she fatigued? It is a huge step up from Primary school with so much more writting etc Again our daughter slept / watched TV solidly when she came home from school. Has never scociallised in the evenings secondary school having been a very active participater in a range of after school activities whilst still in her primary years. You may be could negotiate, does she have a lap top for home work? At Katies school they don't let the lap tops come home..................but they did in her case

How perceptive is the LSA? How skilled? Does your daughter like her? What role does she take? Do the teachers give her lesson notes, hand outs so she doesn't have to write so much. Our daughter had Mears Irlene syndrome, so I appreciate the perceptual difficulties, which make concentration and eye strain so much worse. Does it influence where she sits in class. are all the teachers on board?

Teen age years are frought with frustration.....................do hope you sort things out,Best wishes Judy

[mcgowan]

Hi Brenda, My son Oliver has a L hemi, he is now 13 years of age. Up until this year, Oliver has never done any homework. Like your daughter he is able, however he is very tired when he comes home from school. I believe that he like your daughter spend most of their school day complying and trying to keep up with their peer group. Your daughter obviously has a statment of her educational needs. The school needs to listen to what you and your daughter are saying. If you think that doing homework is having a negative effect on her wellbeing then the school legally have to address this. Contact your SEN at the local Education Services. Oliver finds it very stressful doing after school activities and clubs. Its really difficult when the child shows a talent at a certain activity but their disability stops them engaging in it. Anyway long story cut short, I think your child has worked hard enough at school all day despite her disabilities and I think she should be allowed to chill out when she gets home from school. Allowances do have to be made for her.
Sorry to ramble.

Judybee, on 07 June 2011 - 08:13 AM, said:

Hi Brenda,

Do you know everything that is going on in your daughter's head? Is she cocerned that her efforts will not be good enough? This is just a thought there is such pressure to be perfect, look perfect............ Our daughter's school employed a Councellor.... and she was brilliant at working through issues ... There may be more to this than meets the eye..........also is she fatigued? It is a huge step up from Primary school with so much more writting etc Again our daughter slept / watched TV solidly when she came home from school. Has never scociallised in the evenings secondary school having been a very active participater in a range of after school activities whilst still in her primary years. You may be could negotiate, does she have a lap top for home work? At Katies school they don't let the lap tops come home..................but they did in her case

How perceptive is the LSA? How skilled? Does your daughter like her? What role does she take? Do the teachers give her lesson notes, hand outs so she doesn't have to write so much. Our daughter had Mears Irlene syndrome, so I appreciate the perceptual difficulties, which make concentration and eye strain so much worse. Does it influence where she sits in class. are all the teachers on board?

Teen age years are frought with frustration.....................do hope you sort things out,Best wishes Judy